It's like a rite of passage for crazy young collegians to throw caution to the wind, live in the moment, and leave their clothes behind in a fit of silly interpersonal freedom. Such activities I, of course, never participated in. For starters my friends in college weren't really the bare-ass-to-the-wind types of people. But even if they were, I'd still not go for it.
Today I still can't say such things would happen at any particular time, though I can't say they wouldn't. I don't even know as I would want to play strip poker or go skinny dipping, but with the right amount of alcohol and/or good cheer, some such silliness could always be a possibility and I don't want my body and my lack of self confidence to be a hindrance to having a bit of fun.
The idea has come up from time to time, usually as a joke that has never gone very far. Even so, it tends to trigger a near-instant total body/mind/psyche cringe followed quickly by a mix of despair and fear. I want to get over that. I want to be comfortable enough with myself that I can be comfortable with the friends I love and enjoy.
Will such activities ever happen? Who knows? No one should feel ashamed of the body God gave them, imperfect as we all are and everyone should feel free to be as free as they like. Nevertheless it's natural to feel so when you're 150+ pounds overweight. I've for too long neutered my own personal freedoms because I'm fat and I want that to end. So some day, it will - and I intend to enjoy it.
Updated May 3, 2008
