Update-A-Rama

August 8, 2010 @ 08:55 am

So I haven't blogged in about three months. Why? Where have I been? What have I been doing? Did I fall off the wagon again? 

It's been a little bit of this and a little bit of that. I had a ton of travel at the beginning of the summer, a lot of work, and very little time or energy left to concentrate on the Journey or the blog. Then when I finally got home and was ready to get back into the swing of things, I fell on the subway stairs and sprained my ankle. Not just a twist, a full on nasty sprain complete with the wickedest, weirdest bruises you've ever seen (one was in the shape of a star). I couldn't walk for a few days and then just hobbled around for a couple weeks. It's best not to push it with a sprain or it'll never heal correctly, so I was stuck.

Then I just got lazy. It's been stupidly, wickedly hot and humid in NYC this summer, and that's left us not wanting to do very much or go out at all. I've been to the gym off and on for the last 4-6 weeks or so since I could start walking again.

I don't think I completely fell off the wagon. I certainly haven't been doing well, and in the last few weeks we've been eating take-out and other crappy food. Towards the end of July I felt myself starting to spiral with food addiction, eating a little crazily anything I could get my hands on. It's been a clear connection between stress and food, lately, with my stress increasing from worries about money and work and having to pay for a wedding and a bunch of other expensive stuff next year. Work's been frustrating. And so I spiral.

But this time we went on vacation. We just got back from an annual family vacation - this time to the Smoky Mountains. The break from day to day life in the city was just right, at just the right timing. The vacation itself was actually rather stressful, but it was still good to break from the monotony of the city and daily life and work (in a total lack of cell service, too). I fell rather rested, and ready to realign and continue on my Journey as I should.

This little break from the Journey is different, too. In ages past I would work out, lose a little weight, but quit and gain it all back until I feel so bloated and gross and my clothes get tight and I can barely get up from the couch. This time I know I've put on a little weight again, but not to those extremes. My aunt thinks I lost some weight (compared to the winter which was SUPER high stress time, I'm sure). The Beau thinks I'm generally lighter than before, too. So maybe, just maybe, my body has adapted to a lighter weight (albeit just a bit lighter) and works to maintain that instead of the 320 it used to.

I won't know until I weigh in, and I won't weigh-in this week. The Beau keeps hammering at me to weigh myself but I've been in that space before - where I convince myself I'm lighter, and I'm actually heavier, and its demoralizing. So I'm going to spend this week getting back on track and we'll go from there.

As far as the blog goes, I'm just really too busy to update a lot. I'm going to keep updating, but I'm not going to stick to any sort of schedule. This is my journal. I'm never going to be one of those bloggers that everyone goes to and reads. If people want to read along, comment and join me on the road, then rock on. But I feel less a need to try to force those connections.  I'll continue to twitter, and blog, and create goals, and publish my weights, and all of that. But my job is not to blog, my job is to get fit.

2 comments | Topics: laziness, mistakes, travel

The Fourth Great Attempt: Weeks 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10

March 23, 2010 @ 04:03 pm

I had a lot going on. I was busy. Traveling. On vacation. Nothing interesting to say. In a creative slump. Lots of client work. Bla bla bla.  All true reasons for my month+ long absence from my little home away from home, but alas, I hang my head in shame and beg forgiveness from the blogging gods. Whatever. I'm writing an update.

Now over the last few years when I disappear from my blog it's because I've fallen off the wagon. All the excuses above are really just me trying to cover up the fact that I wussed out and gave up.  Add on top of that my history with the Six Week Threshold - basically at about week 6 or 7 I always fall off the wagon. Always. I get tired, I don't see the progress I want, I get distracted by shiny objects and ice cream sandwiches, who knows. It just happens that way. Well, this time around, the fact that I wasn't blogging really was because I was busy - I didn't fall off the wagon, and I didn't give up. Oh sure I had my gaps and lapses, but let's review.

The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 6

Actually I was still blogging in Week 6. Week 6 is when I announced my new MyJeansFit.Me project. By the end of Week 6 I weighed in at 297 pounds - which is still on a plateau but since I royally bombed Week 5's fitness efforts while traveling, I saw it as reclaiming any ground lost while on the road. I may be at a plateau but at least I'm not creeping upwards - it's like a new set point for me. 10 Pounds down, 100 to go. But I'm 10 pounds down. This was the last time I weighed in for the following 5 weeks or so.

The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 7

So in Week 5 I traveled. I promised myself I would eat right and exercise while I the road; that I wouldn't fall into the traps of ordering too much room service and raiding the mini bar and drinking at the real bar until I couldn't see straight. I broke that promise big time, but Week 7 was my chance at vindication. Whereas I was only gone for a few days in Week 5, I was stuck in Dallas for all of Week 7.

I wasn't perfect. I drank a lot of red wine on some days. I didn't eat as well as I could have. But I consider the week a success. I went to the gym at the hotel ... and oh what a gym it was. I worked out really hard, actually, and it felt great! I ate breakfast every day like I ought. Traveling is always hard on the fitness routine because the food is rich and the time is limited, but I'm proud of myself ... it was the first time I've traveled and felt like my behavior patterns were really altered.

The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 8 & 9

So following my vacation I didn't give up. I kept going to the gym - I was working it into my daily routine. I was doing well. I was happy. Some of my food habits are faltering at this point but the fact that I'm pressing forward and pressing hard at the gym gives me the confidence to break through the Six Week Threshold, and I do. I travel again at the end of Week 8 - two very intensive days running a workshop in Washington DC. I don't eat as well as I should, and I don't make it to the fitness room, but it really was a super busy couple of days and some stuff was going on back in NY that I had to deal with emotionally. So I forgive myself and straightened out and got back on course the next day.

Week 9 was supposed to be a marathon. Vacation was coming and I thought I was going to have a bunch of projects to have to wrap before I left. It turned out to be pretty laid back, actually. I stuck with the gym. I ate well enough. I did good. I did not weigh myself.  Between two big travels and not feeling like I was doing well, I decided not to spoil what little momentum I was having with a bad weigh in. It's not about the number anyway. I want the behavioral change. So I don't weigh in. Vacation started Friday of Week 9.

The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 10 - Vacation week!

It has been ages since we took time off let alone a vacation. We cashed in some miles and points and stuff and headed off to Sunny Hot Florida. So it was cloudy and windy a lot, it was still supremely perfect. I wasn't totally confident, but I did feel okay sunning shirtless for small bits of time. I got a ton of reading done. We walked around parks for whole days and my feet didn't tire. It was wonderful.

I had planned to keep working out while on vacation, but that was kind of a bust. Frankly, the fitness room at the resort was uninspiring. And far away. I forgive myself the trespass :) Since it was a condo resort we did go grocery shopping and I still cooked most of our meals, which maintained some measure of healthy habits.

The Return I've come back and ready to get moving and grooving. I feel good, I feel refreshed. While we were getting ready to depart Florida I made an offhanded comment that either "this shirt is getting stretched out or it's getting bigger." The Beau laughed at me and said "or you're getting smaller, dummy." Well that's what I meant, but the point was I don't feel fat and bloated.

I may not have been blogging. I may not have been sticking super close to my goals and behaviors, but I pressed through the 6 Week Barrier and am still on the journey, now in its third month!

1 comment | Topics: The Beau, encouragement, evalutation, food and eating, shirtlessness, travel

The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 5

February 14, 2010 @ 03:56 pm

This week kinda sucked. The whole "not-going-to-let-travel-screw-me-up" thing was a bust. I didn't make it to the gym at the hotel. I drank way too much. Ate too much. Ate the wrong things. It generally was a busy, high-stress, not-good experience. I didn't really enjoy the trip or the project - things were just not going right - and now I have to go back. On the plus side I could have gotten stranded there this whole weekend. But now it's uncertain when I'm going to have to return and it's generally just annoying.

Oh well.  I should get back on the horse and take this one positive day at a time. But I think I'm just enjoying my weekend home with The Beau and not worrying too much about anything else. Plus I tripped while I was on-site at the client and sprained both ankles and pulled my thigh muscle. So I feel a little like a mess. But tomorrow I'll get back into the gym and get back to my routine and all will be right with the world.

I don't know if i"m ever going to lose weight. My weigh-in on Tuesday - a day early because I was flying out of town that day - was the same weight as the week previous. This week I'm certain my weight will be higher again - maybe even above 300. But that's okay. This coming week, in addition to work and working out and eating right and all that good stuff, I'm going to try to spend some time working on this whole meditation and emotional healing thing. I'll probably update and blog a little about that - it's a long journey. This whole thing is a long journey. And I just have to keep remembering that.

I'm kind of in a weird state today. Slightly bored and unmotivated. May go on a Valentine's Day walk to Barnes & Noble with The Beau. Seeing as it's after 4pm I should figure out something :)    

0 comments | Topics: evalutation, mistakes, progress, travel

It's Travel Season Again

February 9, 2010 @ 07:04 am

So today I start traveling for business again. This is not a new topic for this blog - I've written about it a couple of times (here and here). Traveling while fat is not easy. Traveling while trying to live and eat healthy is even less easy. There's the plane ride - which involves squeezing my giant butt into a tiny chair and then busting a vein trying to get the seat belt latched. There's the lack of good and healthy food at the airport and on the plane. There's the fast food and lack of kitchen while actually on-the-ground where ever I'm working. And there's the booze. There's always booze when you travel for work and my colleague that I'm going with this week and next week is a particularly thirsty drinker.

I'll be on the road the rest of this week. In unhealthy portions of the country. But I've tried to set myself up to do the best I can with this. I bought some CLIF bars today and some nuts for general snacks and nutrition should I need it while out and about.  I'm staying at a hotel with a complete fitness center (including steam room, surprise) - and I got a room rate that includes the fitness center fee.  I'll do my best to eat right, get breakfast, use the fitness center, not drink too much, etc, etc, etc. Because I will not let this travel derail my progress.

I promise.

0 comments | Topics: travel, work