What Will My Thin Personality Be Like?

February 8, 2010 @ 08:57 am

I'm an introvert. I have a "mild personality" as one friend put it recently. I'm pretty bad at small talk and I generally keep to myself. I'm more comfortable watching a party than being in one. I like my quiet mornings alone. I prefer small dinner parties, not huge shin-digs.

I'm reasonably sure my personality has evolved into one that stays out of the spotlight and doesn't attract attention precisely because of my childhood experiences. I've always been a fat kid, and as many of us do I paid for that in jeers and jokes at my expense. So I learned to do as little as possible to attract attention of people - lest they notice me, notice my fat, and let loose. Obviously such reactions would be very rare in the adult world; we civilized grown-ups simply give dirty looks, smirk, and deftly turn to someone else to change the subject.

Though many people look to their past for inspiration in "skinny jeans" or "college weight," ... I have no personal benchmark of fitness to strive to. I've always been fat. And my personality has always been this way. I wonder what I will look like 100 pounds lighter. I wonder what I will be / think / act like 100 pounds lighter.

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