The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 12

April 3, 2010 @ 01:54 pm

Well I was going to update over the last week with some various bits of news and a few thoughts on things, but ... I was busy. So I'll save some thoughts for future posts and relay the news right now:

I'm getting married!

The Beau and I have been together for 5 years and our anniversary was Thursday April 1. Well he had a half day off at work on Thursday (and a day off yesterday) so to enjoy the absolutely beautiful day, we went on a picnic in Central Park. After eating our food and chatting he pulled out a short story he wanted me to read. He's a writer, so I often read the things he's working on but I hadn't even heard that he was working on this so I figured it was a nice anniversary gift. By the end of the story, which had us as the main characters, his character had proposed to mine. When I'd finished, my boyfriend was proposing to me.

He's so sweet. Yesterday we went ring shopping and then to the gym together. Hehe.

The rest of the week was pretty good in the gym, not terrible food-wise.  Food is definitely my Achilles Heel in this process, it's really easy to eat all the wrong things, snack myself to fatness, and completely ignore a fridge-full of veggies and fruit and opt for any bread-based carbohydrate I can find. It's a good thing I didn't actually make bread last week.  But I'm not too broken up about it.

I feel good. The gym feels good. I feel like I'm pushing myself but I also feel like I'm always ready for more. We have some party-esque things this weekend where I am sure to eat bad stuff but I was in the gym today, I'll be in the gym tomorrow, and I'll do my best to eat right from Monday on. Then I promise I will finally weigh-in on Wednesday - the day before my birthday. eek!

2 comments | Topics: The Beau, encouragement, progress

The Fourth Great Attempt: Weeks 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10

March 23, 2010 @ 04:03 pm

I had a lot going on. I was busy. Traveling. On vacation. Nothing interesting to say. In a creative slump. Lots of client work. Bla bla bla.  All true reasons for my month+ long absence from my little home away from home, but alas, I hang my head in shame and beg forgiveness from the blogging gods. Whatever. I'm writing an update.

Now over the last few years when I disappear from my blog it's because I've fallen off the wagon. All the excuses above are really just me trying to cover up the fact that I wussed out and gave up.  Add on top of that my history with the Six Week Threshold - basically at about week 6 or 7 I always fall off the wagon. Always. I get tired, I don't see the progress I want, I get distracted by shiny objects and ice cream sandwiches, who knows. It just happens that way. Well, this time around, the fact that I wasn't blogging really was because I was busy - I didn't fall off the wagon, and I didn't give up. Oh sure I had my gaps and lapses, but let's review.

The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 6

Actually I was still blogging in Week 6. Week 6 is when I announced my new MyJeansFit.Me project. By the end of Week 6 I weighed in at 297 pounds - which is still on a plateau but since I royally bombed Week 5's fitness efforts while traveling, I saw it as reclaiming any ground lost while on the road. I may be at a plateau but at least I'm not creeping upwards - it's like a new set point for me. 10 Pounds down, 100 to go. But I'm 10 pounds down. This was the last time I weighed in for the following 5 weeks or so.

The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 7

So in Week 5 I traveled. I promised myself I would eat right and exercise while I the road; that I wouldn't fall into the traps of ordering too much room service and raiding the mini bar and drinking at the real bar until I couldn't see straight. I broke that promise big time, but Week 7 was my chance at vindication. Whereas I was only gone for a few days in Week 5, I was stuck in Dallas for all of Week 7.

I wasn't perfect. I drank a lot of red wine on some days. I didn't eat as well as I could have. But I consider the week a success. I went to the gym at the hotel ... and oh what a gym it was. I worked out really hard, actually, and it felt great! I ate breakfast every day like I ought. Traveling is always hard on the fitness routine because the food is rich and the time is limited, but I'm proud of myself ... it was the first time I've traveled and felt like my behavior patterns were really altered.

The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 8 & 9

So following my vacation I didn't give up. I kept going to the gym - I was working it into my daily routine. I was doing well. I was happy. Some of my food habits are faltering at this point but the fact that I'm pressing forward and pressing hard at the gym gives me the confidence to break through the Six Week Threshold, and I do. I travel again at the end of Week 8 - two very intensive days running a workshop in Washington DC. I don't eat as well as I should, and I don't make it to the fitness room, but it really was a super busy couple of days and some stuff was going on back in NY that I had to deal with emotionally. So I forgive myself and straightened out and got back on course the next day.

Week 9 was supposed to be a marathon. Vacation was coming and I thought I was going to have a bunch of projects to have to wrap before I left. It turned out to be pretty laid back, actually. I stuck with the gym. I ate well enough. I did good. I did not weigh myself.  Between two big travels and not feeling like I was doing well, I decided not to spoil what little momentum I was having with a bad weigh in. It's not about the number anyway. I want the behavioral change. So I don't weigh in. Vacation started Friday of Week 9.

The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 10 - Vacation week!

It has been ages since we took time off let alone a vacation. We cashed in some miles and points and stuff and headed off to Sunny Hot Florida. So it was cloudy and windy a lot, it was still supremely perfect. I wasn't totally confident, but I did feel okay sunning shirtless for small bits of time. I got a ton of reading done. We walked around parks for whole days and my feet didn't tire. It was wonderful.

I had planned to keep working out while on vacation, but that was kind of a bust. Frankly, the fitness room at the resort was uninspiring. And far away. I forgive myself the trespass :) Since it was a condo resort we did go grocery shopping and I still cooked most of our meals, which maintained some measure of healthy habits.

The Return I've come back and ready to get moving and grooving. I feel good, I feel refreshed. While we were getting ready to depart Florida I made an offhanded comment that either "this shirt is getting stretched out or it's getting bigger." The Beau laughed at me and said "or you're getting smaller, dummy." Well that's what I meant, but the point was I don't feel fat and bloated.

I may not have been blogging. I may not have been sticking super close to my goals and behaviors, but I pressed through the 6 Week Barrier and am still on the journey, now in its third month!

1 comment | Topics: The Beau, encouragement, evalutation, food and eating, shirtlessness, travel

Weight Loss Goals (By The Numbers)

February 5, 2010 @ 11:40 am

While watching The Biggest Loser recently a couple of the contestants had big number-related goals, like getting below 200 or something. Those kinds of goals are big psychological boons - or if we're crossing them upwards, can be real demotivators. While watching one particular weigh-in The Beau asked if I any particular goal-numbers that I really wanted to reach. I didn't really have an answer.

I've structured my "goals" around the things I want to do some day but either haven't been able to or haven't let myself do because of my weight and obesity. I put those out for all to see because I can't wait to start checking them off one by one as I get more fit. But certain numbers do hold significance for me even if I don't consider them goal weights - more like milestones worth solemnizing, or something. Anyway here are some of the significant weight amounts I've seen over the years:

325ish pounds
My theoretical maximum weight. I don't think I've ever gone above this and frankly, I think I would have to be pretty incapacitated and just give up on life to do so. When I get near this number, I can feel it really weigh me down (no pun intended).

300 pounds
A rough barrier for me. Most of this blogging journey has been spent above 300 - getting below it has been tough, my body's holding onto it for some reason. Even though I'm below it right now, I'm still a little too close for comfort, so I'm not sure I consider this barrier beaten just yet.

280 pounds
This is roughly what my weight was when I moved to New York in April 2005. In the 2.5 or so years after that I put on a good 30+ pounds (stress!). I would love to be at or near this level by the 5 year anniversary (of both my move and my relationship with The Beau) - in a couple of months.

250 pounds
Passing through the 250 level would put me closer to what I was around my Freshman year of college. I never actually weighed myself much back then. But I think this would be a good number to reach by my next family vacation at the end of July - two years after my grandfather's fateful insults words.

230 pounds
In my senior year of high school, I managed to lose 30 pounds and reach around 230, but no, I'm not going back on the binge-and-purge diet.

225 pounds
Until last year I carried a California driver's license and this was the weight printed on it. Total lie. New York doesn't print weights on its licenses but when I ultimately lose a lot of weight, I'm SO getting a new picture.

199 pounds
My theoretical goal weight. My BMI will still be "overweight" at this level (and actually, this is just below "obese"), but by the time I reach this amount, I intend to be doing MUCH more strength training, so at that point I'm probably going to stop caring about BMI entirely. But I don't even remember the last time I was below 200 ... It was probably before high school. Probably well before high school. 

171 pounds
Officially my "ideal weight" according to the BMI. But I don't actually expect to ever get to this level, if for no other reason than I expect to build muscle that will "weigh" me down more.

0 comments | Topics: BMI, The Beau, The Biggest Loser, goals

Sunday Funnies

January 31, 2010 @ 09:29 am

Hehehe, so for this week's Sunday Funnies we have a "guest spot." Well not really, its more like a link. To a funny comic (one of The Beau's favorites). It's MADE. FROM. CORN, jerkface.

0 comments | Topics: The Beau, sunday funnies

The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 1

January 16, 2010 @ 08:05 pm

So it wasn't a full week, since I really only started on Wednesday. But I was working on this blog before that, and that kind of counts. How many calories do typing and clicking burn, anyway?

I think the most remarkable thing about this week is that I started at only 307 lbs.  Heh, "only." But every other time I've started it's been more like 315, 320, or so heavy I didn't bother moving my then-rickety knees all the way over to the scale. 307 feels like the 200s are just around the corner, like they're attainable once and for all, like I don't have to spend the first 3 or 4 or 6 weeks just getting out of the threes. So I was pleasantly surprised with 307.

And not to give spoilers, but a mid-week check in was lower than that (yay!) so things is okays.

I started in on the gym again. I thought it would be rough those first couple of days but really, the first day back was like hanging out with an old friend. I stuck to the same benchmarks I had before I stopped going last Fall, and got a full half hour in on the first day. And again on the second day, and the third day. Each day I thought I wouldn't be able to go because of work or maybe I should ease myself more slowly into it, but I went anyway. Today was a mac-daddy workout: 10 minutes warm-up on the elliptical, 20 minutes or so of strength training (ouch, been a while), 30 minutes on an elliptical-like thingy that makes you feel like a gazelle.

I'm taking tomorrow off. Because I'm probably going to hurt. Also, it's good to take a break from the gym and I don't really want to push too hard too fast or I'll just burn out. I can feel myself needing a little break, from stiff muscles to near-chafing issues, Sunday is a good day to rest. Plus I have a small cut on my heel from dry, cracked skin and it's taking a while to heal, so I'm going to try to minimize the stress I put it through for a day to get it all put right again.

Other than that, I feel pretty okay. The Beau decided today that he would join his brother and sister in running the Hood To Coast - the mother of all relays at nearly 200 miles from Mt Hood to Seaside, Oregon. The race is in August. He thought he couldn't do it (his 2 miles today was a bit rough, apparently) but I convinced him that there's more than enough time to train and get prepared for running 4-8 mile stints every few hours. His svelte, trim, highly metabolic body will do just fine. Maybe I'll join him in 2011.

But for now I press forward trying to lose weight. Day by day.   

0 comments | Topics: The Beau, gym, progress

I Don't Feel Good

January 15, 2010 @ 07:38 am

Oh I'm fine physically. Had a head cold last week but it was short-lived. No, I feel well; I don't feel good. Actually I've been feeling pretty darn bad and that's been the impetus to get my act together and blog / work out / eat right, again. And I know that in time - and probably not a very long time - the endorphins will kick in and I'll start feeling good again. But for this post, I'm going to whine and moan, because it's my blog and I can. Go get your own (and then send me the link).

I struggle with loneliness and depression, and I think it's a direct result of life-long unfitness. Thing is, I'm a happy person, generally. I enjoy my life, I enjoy my work, I enjoy my partner. I'm reasonably successful for a 26 year old. I live in one of the greatest cities in the world. And I'm pretty good at intellectually beating back my depression because I choose not to be depressed about life. Depression just leads me to eating, to lethargy, to not getting off the couch. I even avoid Debbie Downer types because I choose not to live life in the doldrums.

But I've never been able to beat back the loneliness. The Beau (new blog name for my partner) makes friends easily. He's gregarious, happy, friendly, flirty - people flock to him. They have crushes on him. They don't see me. Literally. Ironic since I'm twice his size.

Read the rest of this post

0 comments | Topics: The Beau, depression, friends, loneliness