Journey Updates
The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 15
April 24, 2010 @ 11:21 am
This past week feels like it went really quickly. It also feels like I didn't get anything substantial accomplished. I felt "blah" for a lot of the days, kind of unmotivated, and occasionally my depression issues popped up. It was worst on Thursday, but like I wrote yesterday, I pressed through it, chose not to binge eat, and came through just fine. I've been working on using meditation to help get through the depressed feelings, but I'm not sure it's working all that well yet. I've had trouble focusing again, getting distracted by random sounds and what not. But that's okay, because the time I am able to spend is spent reinforcing a positive view of myself, my journey and my future. That helps in the long run.This turn-around in my journey has been pretty incredible. Generally, I don't get too excited about anything - I have a very even-keeled and tempered personality. So I'm not bouncing off the walls with glee over all the weight I'm suddenly losing. But it's no less remarkable how fast my body has responded to proper nutrition. This morning's mid-week check-in was 287.5 lbs. It's like the weight is just falling off.
Though the numbers are falling and I can certainly perceive changes in my body, I find myself frustrated that I still look so fat. That's ridiculous, of course. I'm constantly reminding myself that I've always thought I looked fat - and I've always had quite the gut hanging down in front of me - even when I was 260, 230, or less. So I'm going to be struggling with this for a while. But the gut is shrinking ever so slightly - shirts are fitting - so that's something.
Since getting my nutrition under control, I've realized I don't want to eat more than I am. I'm maxing out eating about 1500-1600 calories on a heavy day. That's technically too low. But the fact is, I don't know how to eat more. When I eat a meal, I'm fully satiated. If I ate any more I'd just be eating for the sake of eating. I don't necessarily respond to every hunger cue but I do eat through the day when I need something. And I've been trying to eat more in the morning and at lunch than at dinner. But all in all, I simply don't know how to add more calories while eating real food. It's a little maddening if I think about it too much, but at the same time I'm not worrying too much about it since I'm listening to my body and retraining it to have a better relationship with food. If I continue to lose 3+ pounds a week over the next several weeks, I'll have to make some sort of adjustment because I want to be careful about losing just body fat and not other healthy tissue.
So that's where we are this week. Making progress, pressing forward. Onward and downward.
1 Comment So Far
Reinaldo — Apr 25, 2010 @ 01:42 am
Go you! U have al the scientist stuff nailed. Just keep going!